Love and Intimacy Project

Love and Intimacy:

A documentation of queer couples of color during social isolation

Curated by VJacqueline Barrios, Asssisted by Ree Han

Growing up, I had no example of what healthy romantic love looked like. The only example of love I had was the way that my mom loved. My mom consistently chose men who mistreated her and she tolerated it. She loved selflessly and unconditionally without reciprocation. She loved and it was painful- sometimes excruciating. As I started falling in love, I loved by my mother’s example and I decided that a certain amount of pain/ mistreatment/ abuse was a fair trade for love.

These past few months, I gave myself the space and time to explore love and intimacy in a healthy and detached way— through art. I wanted to document queer couples of color — because that is the kind of love in my inner circle. And I wanted to have this space feel healing. For them, for me, for the people coming here to read this.

The longer I worked on the project, the more aware I became of the fact that, in my past relationship, I was experiencing toxicity, control, isolation, and emotional abuse— not love. To my best friend, I down-played the emotional abuse and control. To my other friends, I barely talked about it. On social media, I painted the relationship as forgiving, kind, empathetic. In reality, I felt like I was walking on eggshells everyday- anticipating the next fight.

Listening to the couples’ interviews, learning the ways they showed love reaffirmed what I thought love felt like. Ultimately, this project restored my belief that queer love is nurturing, patient, balanced; it is years of learning and unlearning, it is individual growth and shared growth. Queer love is resistance.

After months of healing, I know that I deserve the kind of love I was pretending to have. I know that safe love exists. I don’t feel empty without it, I am not desperate to search for it anymore, but I know it is there.

I also wanted to curate this project to have a documentation of queer love and intimacy during social isolation that rejected heteronormativity, cis-normativity and whiteness. I wanted our community to be visible. To challenge assumptions about love, affection, vulnerability, and resilience. I wanted to show that queer love is nurturing, patient, balanced; it is years of learning and unlearning, it is individual growth and shared growth. Queer love is resistance.

The couples in this project are queer and Black/ Indigenous/ People of color (BIPOC). The documentation of these intersections - of race/sexuality/gender- is intentional; I wanted these couples to occupy a space that is typically taken up by white queer people.

I view this project as an artistic resource for young people to see love in a realistic, rather than romanticized, way. And to hear, possibly for the first time, queer BIPOC people talk openly about the multiplicity of love.

For those have been hurt/ mistreated/ abused by a loved one, I hope this project offers you some introspection and healing. I hope this project helps you envision the kind of love you want to give and receive. I want this project to be an affirmation that you deserve the purest kind of love.

In all, this project helped me deconstruct and redefine what I thought love was. And ultimately, it restored my belief that all love is a form of healing.

This project is for the young people who are falling in and out of love. For all the Black/Indigenous/people of color navigating their sexuality, questioning straightness, questioning gender, trying to figure out what love is.

andrew and peaches (maybelle)

MISS MAJESTY IS WHAT I SEE, THE LOVE & LIGHT SHE SEEKS, HER NAME IS MAY & SHE WILL SHOW YOU FAITH,

THE PRESENCE OF A BEAUTIFUL BROWN WOMAN, REMINDS ME [OF] ONE WHO THEY CALL PEACHES,

HER SOFT SKIN RESEMBLES THE ANCIENT WOMAN, MI NATIVA, MY NATIVE GODDESS,

THE LOVE I SEARCH FOR, BLESSED TO BE AROUND HER, INSPIRED BY HER GREATNESS, MOTIVATED TO CREATE,

I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU CAME INTO MY LIFE, TO GUIDE ME THROUGH MY DARKEST FEARS & BRING EVERLASTING PEACE,

TO BRING ME CLOSER TO MY DREAMS,

THE WAY WE LIVE, WE ARE ONE & ALWAYS CONNECTED, JUST LIKE WATER WE FLOW INTO OUR NEXT CURRENT,

A NEW ERA, A NEW BEGINNING, A CHANCE TO BETTER OURSELVES & THOSE AROUND US,

I ADMIRE THE WAY YOU THINK, ALWAYS PROVIDING GOOD VIBES & GOOD LOVE,

TO GRAB[,] KISS & HUG, MY LIL SEXY MAMASH, SHE’S ONE OF A KIND,

THE BEST WOMAN I’VE EVER BEEN WITH, MI ARTISTA,

DRAWING ME NEAR, TOWARDS THE STREAM, THAT BRINGS THE LIFE I NEED,

SHE WAITS FOR ME, UNDER THIS GREAT TREE, [REVEALING] HER ONLY SEED,

THE UNIVERSE BLESSED ME,

EVERYDAY I WAKE UP GRATEFUL, KNOWING I HAVE SOMEONE TO HELP ME DISCOVER NEW POSSIBILITIES,

I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS,

LOVE THAT SPIRALS, LOVE THAT IS NEVER[-]ENDING.

ANDREW RODRIGUEZ

You kiss so tenderly, and you make my lips feel alive.

(You can kiss me wherever I feel cold).

My baby andresito,

I fell asleep the other night, counting your breaths and feeling them fall softly on my cheek. You cradled me: protective yet tender. Your touch felt like what I imagine are clouds. I thanked God for this moment... and every previous night I spent next to you.

The next morning I woke up to the sound of you playing guitar.

I like starting my day with your song. Your music: butter-smooth noise, reminiscent of midnight, Chicago summers by bonfire. It reminds me that I’m home.

You are Home.

My baby andresito, we’ve shared togetherness for almost two years.

And, I truly feel like I’ve grown the most within this time period.

Before you, loving another person came at the cost of me. Before you, love was painful. Love was a tightened chest and unbreathable air. It was numb hands and powerless body. It was red like blood and white like lifelessness. What I thought was love was just me justifying harm. What I thought was love was just me believing in a ‘good’ that was never even there.

With you, (our) love is ill-free and gentle and unadulterated. Our love is romantic, platonic, familial, and a practice of self-love. Our love is lightness and the smell of fresh pine and a slow-burning incense. Our love is hand holding and figure painting. Our love is red like the sun. Our love is the sun’s brilliance, its shine, and its warmth. Our love is the sunrise and the sunset.

Our love is white like the light in your old room, golden like 5pm, and brown like our skin.

My baby andresito,

You restored love where I felt it’d been lost / never received, and emptiness is now a stranger.

My mama used to bathe me when I was little. We’d run out of hot water often, so she’d heat some up on the stove and use it to wash me. That is one out of few memories I have of her loving me. The night you ran out of hot water, you did the same thing. You warmed some in a pot and let it run down my body before it lay cold. My fingers, your hands, soap in between. Everyone was asleep, so we shared silence. But your subtle smile spoke secrets between friends and sang songs to lovers. You continued to love me where my mama stopped.

Your love makes me feel... free, unconfined, unrestricted, elongated, like a morning stretch, feathery, like a bird—weightless.

I am weightless, winged by the feathers that are our intimacy. I am weightless, flying above ground, touching paraíso, cielo. I am an angel with you; our love is mountainous, moving, monumental, divine. I see you in the sky, face haloed by the sun and its rings, not too far from me. I am weightless and flying into space reserved just for us.

Your love makes me feel weightless.

My baby andresito, thank you for this companionship.

I like your soft spoken voice and they way you sing about me. I like the cariños you spoil me with. I like the silly nicknames you call me and the endless laughs we share. I like the inspiration you give me, artist to artist. I like our two-way support. I like the comfort in being vulnerable with each other. I like the safety I feel around you and the ability to heal with you.

I like it when you call me your ruca; it sounds like my grandma’s name.

I like being in this world with you, and I can’t wait to see you in the next one.

You have my heart, baby.

Mahal quita,

baby mama peaches

margaret and nathan

Dear Margaret,

I love you.

Love,

Nathan

Nate,

You’re my best friend, and life would be bland without our stupid jokes.

I love you.

Love,

Margaret

taylar and sofía

morgan and kristal

Dear Kristal,

When someone asks me to describe our relationship, I think the first word that comes to mind is always “affirming.“ With you, I feel held and seen and heard and so profoundly understood. I think you’re the first person who’s ever seen and accepted me as who I really am- this current (albeit evolving) iteration of me, who I’m growing into more and more every single day thanks to your unwavering love and support. Your love is an extraordinary gift, one that I often wonder what I did to deserve! Simply put: In such a short time, you’ve radically opened ip and reshaped my world. I feel overwhelmed with love and gratitude.

I’m so in love with every little thing about you. You possess such a clear vision and the deepest drive of anyone I’ve ever met. You’re simultaneously so full of energy and so chill; always ready to dance and sing karaoke, and always down to watch a film or spend a day laying in the sun. You’re gentle and patient and tender. You have at least a dozen different laughs. You make the best eggs. You fit so comfortably beside me. You’re objectively one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. You make the best art and tell the best stories; your talent and your potential are greater than I could ever comprehend. You teach me so much, every single day. You’re so incredible, Kristal. In every single way.

The world has felt scary and out of control lately. We’ve been pulled away from our realities, our loves ones, and our abilities to control anything swirling around us. But one thing that has kept me grounded and feeling safe has been my time with you. This relationship feels deeply beautiful and reciprocal and soft and vibrant. Each day, I find myself growing- into myself, into this love, into a person I never imagined possible. I find so much of that is thanks to you.

I feel like I owe you an enormous, but perhaps too simple: THANK YOU. You’re so good, Kristal. So wonderful and pure and complex and endlessly exciting. With you, it all makes sense.

I love you so much. Indescribably so.

Love,

Morgan

Morgan,

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and paw the empty space next to me as if in my sleepy stupor I’ll manifest your body next to mine. I whisper in my sleep bc I’m too shy to say it to your face. But maybe also bc the words know when to slip out in a path of least resistance. It’s hard for me to pen these words even now bc you’ll always deserve more. More than what I could ever give or express. You, a word smith, a love letter connoisseur - intentional and unending with your confessions of love - know just how to make me blush and slip deep into love spells and teenage daydreams. Thank you for giving me poems and ballads in every word you say, for banana bread kisses and passion punches, for eternal crescendoes and butterflies. I’ll write this and an infinity more things just to return a fraction of what you’ve given and continue to give me. I love you, bug. Thank you, always.

Kristal

Further Information:

What constitutes a queer couple?

Why cast BIPOC queer couples?

How was this project created?

Affirmations for survivors of abuse

Resources for hard-of-hearing/ deaf individuals:

Peaches and Andrew Transcription

Margaret and Nathan Transcription

Sofia and Taylar Transcription

Morgan and Kristal Transcription

Outtakes: